So in the short span of 1 month, about $600 of yours went down the drain. Of course, those were all used for your self-indulgence and much needed other things, yet the fact that your money is going away and you’re no longer taking up part time job, IT’S ALARMING, GIRL!!!!!
4 pm shifts in a row meaning 4 nights binge, one of which, especially in the attempt to celebrate something unknown on a whim, you brought one small-sized birthday cake which cost $16 dollars. The cake shop girl asked how many candles you need, you gave her a smile and said “no need candles”. You could have told her that “I don’t need any candles since I’m not gonna share this cake with anyone. I’m buying it now and will finish it all up either tonight or in the next morning. I’m gonna have the whole cake for myself, and it’s not even my birthday yet. That’s how awesome I am!” Yeah you should have told her that.
How great now that everyone in the ward knows you are a cry baby. Cry cry cry as if that’s all you can do. Yes sister wanna help you. Your preceptor wanna help you. No one wishes to fail you. But if you cannot show them anything better than what you are doing now, you’re doomed. And failure is just around the corner if you cannot make it to 4 cases. 4 cases in a fucking 2 weeks’ time. And you have been struggling for last one and a half month with only 2 cases!!! Are you about to be f@cked real hard or what?!
I’m sipping on my milk tea with pearls now, after yet another binge, as if it was the last time I had my binge. On one hand I spent quite a lot on food today, on the other hand I also spent just as much on something else, my sport bras! I know it sounds like an excuse that if I don’t have proper gear I can’t exercise. But that’s what happened to me and especially with all these work stress all I wanna do is to eat. But I finally came round to my sense. This cannot go on like this. I will pass the PRCP even if it’s with the lowest score. They have to see my effort because I don’t wanna fail this fucking stupid PRCP. You can only have a stronger mind with a stronger body. With the type of food that I have been feeding myself with, I could feed the whole family for 1 month or could shorten my life span for 20 years. I might have developed early symptoms of diabetes now for all I know. So, with my new pair of sport bras, I can have perhaps a little motivation to start having my body back and my life back.
I won’t say much. I haven’t really sorted out my exercise regimen nor what type of exercise I should do. But now after all the eating and spending, I think it’s time for me to say goodbye to those habits. I cannot turn my body into the body type of the girls I’m living with. Damn are they so…. urg. I won’t talk bad about people. It’s just me trying to live a healthy lifestyle for myself. So sport bras, checked. Next thing: diet. Will eat a normal 3 meals diet a day. Try to stay away from meat for now as I’m had so much meat lately. And carb, too. Imagine every night after work and you just stepped into 7-11 cos it’s the only shop that’s still open and you bought one cup of instant noodles with few chocolate bars!!??? Damn how could you do that to your body girl!!??? So yes. You still eat but try to get more veggie, less carb and meat. Probably I’ll befriend again with the Yong Tau Foo shop in Kopitiam. It’s the best.
Then, your mentality. Pleas stay strong. No matter what happened, stay strong. People already see you cry. They sort of figure out what is made of this girl. Let them be with their thoughts. Please just focus on your work. Be careful and mindful in everything you do for patients. Please you have to at least get less reminders from Liu Qing. You have to get to 4 cases and pass this stupid thing. BECAUSE YOU HATE IT SO MUCH, YOU CANNOT LET IT BEAT YOU.
You can do this Phuong! Start living your life now!