I know the force is real and strong. The spiritual connection is intense. I think of him all day during the day. I believe he also thinks of me all day. Even stuff I do for leisure like going for a movie or eating out with friends, I wish I could do with him. When I went home yesterday I cried more because of how we ended our story (temporarily). But this is the fact: Two nights in a row, Oct 20 and 21, I dreamt of him. I usually don’t dream when I sleep for that matter. But when something stuck on my mind for so long, it affects my sleep, and I dream of that thing in one form or another. I don’t know if he also dreams of me in his sleep, but with this, I know our thing, physically, it is ended, yet emotionally, spiritually, it is getting stronger and stronger. And yes I know, I will come back to him, proposing to him that idea and see if he agrees to it, 5 months from now.
I already took up some jobs. I will save money. Work on myself. I feel regret sharing more than what I should have to a friend. Now she might have thought I’m some miserable heartbroken girl who does not have a good life, who hates her job and all is so boring. Or maybe that is just me thinking that way, seeing how her job takes her to travel from one place to another. Another friend told us he is traveling to the US by the end of this year. Visa attained, tickets booked. He is taking driving license here so he could drive in the US. He works for PWC. He is on EP. His life seems so fabulous. They talked about airlines that provide cheap flights to their travel destinations: Korea, Bali, India, Europe, etc. They talked about using Uber with company fare so often that they get upgraded to Premium and used that promotion for their personal rides. They talked about best airlines that have good airplanes, in-flight food and entertainment. What a fabulous life they have. I just stayed silent. Maybe I could participate, like how I tried to tell them how it was like during my OT attachment, yet she could only commented that she was never cut out for being a nurse. Yeah, as if I were.
The movie Geostorm was alright. Just a nice movie for a nice hangout with friends. Yet the little detail about this talented yet disgruntled old man (who is also the main character) who has a 13 year-old daughter who loves him so much and all he wants when disaster strikes is her safety and his promise to get back to her, it is just a bit itchy for me. I mean maybe he and the wife are separated, yet having no mention to this wife and putting more importance on this father-daughter relationship.. Hello….? Yeah I know I am being a bit unreasonable based on my own prejudice and recent experience, but well.. Overall it is not a bad movie. I was just a bit uncool with the fact that Thu did not bring her glasses as she said they are broken and we had to sit a bit closer to the screen for her to see better. WTF girl!!?? Then I will never watch any movie with you again, as I need a good, proper distance to the screen and I don’t wanna spoil my vision only because you are too lazy to get your glasses fixed. Unbelievable!
Another small detail in the movie that I like is the fact that everyone in the space station seems to know what they are doing. All look very capable and efficient and competent. And I wish after a while I could be like that in the ward too, knowing what I do, where the stuff is, able to answer any question thrown at me by the sister, showing my knowledge and confidence in what I do. I know reading these comments on my logbook, it saddens me a bit to see they all wrote “Phuong is a soft-spoken girl, she could be more confident blah blah”. I was only so because I lack the knowledge and the skill. I am not interested in what I do hence I only do it half-heartedly and I don’t take time to do more research. That is why I come across as soft-spoken and lacking in confidence. But it should not be that way for long. I mean if I really hate nursing, I can’t let it bring me down, can I? I have to beat it! Ace it! Show it who is the boss here! Yeah that’s right. Just like Midori in Norwegian Woods. She hated her all-girl boarding school and what she studied, yet she excelled in all the subjects because she did not want to let them fail her. She won. So I must take control of this nursing thing too. I want to feel confident for once in the ward. Speak out, ask questions, show initiative, show willingness to learn, give them a good impression of this girl. Yes!
That is all for now. Let’s see if I still keep dreaming of him. And maaaan you don’t want to touch on the content of those dreams man. So let’s just stop that topic here. I have another 4 weeks of attachment to do, 2 weeks break in which I’m pretty sure if nothing happens I might just take up jobs every single day of that period, then 3 months of final attachment and graduation!!! Let’s not forget the thing back home and let’s pray it won’t interfere too much with my work here. Alright. Until next time my friend. Ciao~